Polyamory Styles: Relationship Anarchy
Alice Scarlet Death
Do you love multiple people at once? Relationship Anarchy is just one way to express ethical non-monogamy. Read more to find out more:
Relationship Anarchy (RA) is one of the lesser known styles of polyamory. We’ve all heard of triads, families, polygamy, polygyny, and most other hierarchy-based systems of shared love. However, the one that made me feel comfortable is the one that has no hierarchy: RA.
One of the stereotypes about polyamory in practice is the viewpoint that polya is just an excuse to sleep around, and is inherently shameful. RA tends to look more like this than any other. On the surface, but underneath it is much more structured than that.
The basic premise behind polyamory is ethical non-monogamy. Everyone must needs consent. Consent is the first aspect in all of this.
Imagine if every relationship had its own set of boundaries. I mean relationships with everyone. Treat everyone like they are unique and special. Because they are, everyone has their own set of boundaries.
If you both exist within each other’s boundaries and it’s mutually beneficial, then that’s the root of what it means to be a relationship anarchist.
Words like boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, secondary, and primary start to lose all meaning. The central idea is treating everything like a serious relationship.
I find RA to be helpful because I don’t want that pressure of needing to date just because physically affection was transacted.
A human female visited me the other day. She ended up combing my hair, just for fun. There was no expectation of sex or romance. She still felt the need to remind me that that was the case, and it struck a chord. Our society is so ingrained into categorizing who can do what with each other
Men can’t hug men. You must get pregnant if your boyfriend gets you pregnant. You can’t say you’re a lesbian if you’ve ever had sex with a man.
With a mindset using RA, all these toxic ideas would no longer be feasible. Society’s view on sex is ever changing, and I feel like RA could be considered: “Sex-Positivity: the movie.”
RA in practice, for me, is having a person I can touch, having a person I can get mental stimulation with. Normally this would be considered selfish, but under RA everyone would be amenable to what’s being presented.
I made that mistake of not telling two of my partners what I wanted them for. When one found out I only wanted her for touching, she inferred that I thought she was stupid.
For me, attraction is split by many ways. I know I can’t get them all satisfied by one person. And if I can get my needs met without expectations (or with expectations if consensual.) that would be great.
This is probably also why I get in trouble in real life as an anarchist gray asexual for whom sex is meaningless. That’s a different story for a different time.
If you’d like to read more on these topics, I’d suggest The Ethical Slut, and Sex and Dawn. Links below:
