creative Scarlet Death Uncategorized
Survival Pivoting: What Drove Me To Sex Work
Alice Scarlet Death
My past creative endeavors rarely paid. Making noise music used to be fun, writing used to be fun, making youtube videos used to be fun. I applied for disability in 2015 and slowly the poverty destroyed me. What was once fun, was now exhausting. So, I made the decision to make adult-oriented content for certain sites. Let’s talk about why.
Yes, I got enjoyment out of collaborating with other people. It was edifying, for a while. but I could never find a way to make any money off of it. Surviving off $197 a month is not easy, and after half a decade it started to add up.
The constant stress of running out of food halfway through the month, not being able to adjust to emergencies. Starving myself in hopes I’d make it to the end of the month.
I was always exhausted and was not in a position to let the creativity flow. I’ve tried to write articles here and there for my blog as time permits. Writing is easy, but it’s not as cathartic as it used to be considering it feels like a reflex at this point. With my writing, I hope to inform or educate.
I know everybody is struggling write now. As of this writing my city of Seattle is doing a heckin’ quarantine big time. I’m not prepared to handle it alone, even though I’ve been isolated for the last two years with no local support. I was already barely hanging on by a thread, and this mixed with losing my disability hearing for the 3rd time in a row pushed me to make a pornhub account in late December. The virus thing, pushed me to stay up for two days straight so I could upload 18 videos all at once. And open up more accounts for adult content.
For me, it’s a performance. I’m gray asexual, and don’t feel any sexual energy. I have all these years of performance art behind my belt, I have learned how to be in front of a camera, in front of a crowd. It clicked one day, that during my time running munches near Nashville via fetlife, that there were quite a number of people who fetishized things I did without much effort on my end. I’ve produced enough burlesque shows to know how to tease, so that helps too. So I am mostly sticking to fetish videos.
But I’m also hoping to bring noise and erotica together again once in a while.
I’m not expecting to start getting paid right away, and I have some business sense. I’m building a community on pornhub, increasing my rank, all the while slowly updating my onlyfans with things to make it worthwhile a subscription.
I can use my radio and podcasting experience on phone sex sites like niteflirt as well.
I’m starting to learn that I can add a sexual element for the base urges of randoms on the internet for things I can use my experience to succeed at.
Just like with my noise music under SNMT. I want to try to fill the gaps, be that person making things you didn’t think you needed to be aroused to. I searched and searched, I’m pretty sure I’m the first goth/punk transgender woman in a wheel chair doing smoking fetish.
Porn hub shows me the metrics, and I can tell that I’m on a successful pathway.
But I’m still not really getting paid from anything, and at some point I will either have to cut my losses and run, or continue to make that kind of content regardless of my feelings just to keep myself occupied, or because it’s more likely to get monetary compensation than anything else I’ve ever done.
I don’t particularly enjoy the fact that I’ve come to a point in my life where I’ve had to pursue this avenue, but at the moment. As long as I can survive and not wear myself down doing it. I’m enjoying being creative, being in front of a camera, and putting my creative juices from my brain into your genitals.
They won’t let me play music in town anymore, and there’s nothing I can do to change that. And this lets me scratch that itch.
I’m not ashamed that I’m doing this kind of work. But I can’t say that I’m proud I couldn’t get support I needed to survive without it. It already feels like work, but I’m looking for all the positive elements to keep me motivated and…well, there’s quite a number of positive elements at the moment.
It took me a minute to convince myself to do anything other than pornhub. I’m not a model, I’ve never been conventionally attractive. I’m full aware there’s a niche for everything, so that boosted my confidence.
But I’m still not getting paid. And I really hope this time around, I can stay alive and motivated enough to make this sustainable. Even if I don’t, I am grateful for the friendships I made and the experience I gained along the way. I’ll move on to something more desperate after that, and so on until I can find something I can do that does work. I won’t go down without a fight!
